Thursday 30 July

I set myself such high, ludicrously high, standards - that all I do is fail miserably most of the time. Why do I punish myself? Perfection is .... unachieveable, at least for the majority of the people for the great majority of the time, in my opinion.

This morning just did my head in. Rushing around trying to get things tidy/sorted, children waiting in the car (obviously arguing/fighting as per usual!) with the dog. Me, mopping the floor, then the phone rings. In my totally stressed out state I answer (not too rudely) "I'm on my way out. Who is that?"...turns out it's my friggin' boss. She's asking for a document on the computer, which I think is not accessible to her at all. More stress. My password given to her (which is something we should NOT do, but still....she's my boss...and there's no way she would get the document without it). After I put the phone down I feel like total shit. The document is my job description. Have I got a job or WHAT now? Get to the car.....middle child has hit youngest child with a comb so hard that the bloody comb has snapped. I could scream/cry/walk away. Or more. End up driving the wrong way to the park with the kids and dog...have to turn around. I'm quiet. I don't swear, scream or ANYTHING. Just feel like a white fog has descended around me. Numb. Kids notice. They start to behave slightly better. God I love them.