Friday 31 July

I don't have work today. No reason to get up tooooo early.

Just before 6 am this morning.....BEEP BEEP BEEP (repeat very loudly and high pitched 50 times). Stop and then start again 5 minutes later. Repeat 4 times. Husband is already up and out of the house walking the dog. He's forgotten to turn off the alarm. We don't sleep in the same room (he snores and farts, farts and snores and takes whatever covers there are for himself totally).

I'm pissed off.

Fecking eeeeejit!!!!! lol

Thursday 30 July

I set myself such high, ludicrously high, standards - that all I do is fail miserably most of the time. Why do I punish myself? Perfection is .... unachieveable, at least for the majority of the people for the great majority of the time, in my opinion.

This morning just did my head in. Rushing around trying to get things tidy/sorted, children waiting in the car (obviously arguing/fighting as per usual!) with the dog. Me, mopping the floor, then the phone rings. In my totally stressed out state I answer (not too rudely) "I'm on my way out. Who is that?"...turns out it's my friggin' boss. She's asking for a document on the computer, which I think is not accessible to her at all. More stress. My password given to her (which is something we should NOT do, but still....she's my boss...and there's no way she would get the document without it). After I put the phone down I feel like total shit. The document is my job description. Have I got a job or WHAT now? Get to the car.....middle child has hit youngest child with a comb so hard that the bloody comb has snapped. I could scream/cry/walk away. Or more. End up driving the wrong way to the park with the kids and dog...have to turn around. I'm quiet. I don't swear, scream or ANYTHING. Just feel like a white fog has descended around me. Numb. Kids notice. They start to behave slightly better. God I love them.

Tuesday 28 July

Been clothes buying. Lots of cheeeeap clothes. I am a mug for them! Got a lovely, black mac for only a fiver yesterday and a handbag for £1! Daughter was the first to use it.

A couple of my Real Life friends have been asking me about Facebook. I really like to keep some of myself private. I guess Facebook comes into that category also. Don't know why - just always been a bit like that. There is a side to me which is very techno and nerdish I suppose. Why would anyone want to waste what little time they have on such trivia....that's what I think perhaps it's about. Guilt? Embarassment? God knows. No more analysing.

Sons are at their grandparents today, until early afternoon I think. Daughter is still asleep in bed! She went to bed quite late last night. Watching crap on t.v. Mind numbing crap.

Tuesday 21 July

Penultimate day at work! Rainy and drab outside, but hey-ho.

Husband yesterday looking in the newspapers "Blimey, Uretha Franklin's got big".

Looking back at posts by Belle De Jour (I think I typed 'Du' previously, my mistake) - a male friend of hers talking to her about a woman he liked and upon finding out that the woman didn't want anal sex Belle said to drop her, as she was too (basically) frigid or non-exploratory sexually. Well, honestly! Just because a woman doesn't want to take it up the arse haha. It doesn't mean that they are frigid OR boring in bed. What a narrow mind. Not everyone likes or wants anal sex. Mind you, from a call girl, what kind of response would one expect. God, now I am being narrow-minded.

Monday 20 July 2009

Working today, which is a euphemism....for NOT working?!! Just bored, bored and bored. My eldest child is at the cinema with friends going to see Harry Potter, the latest film in the series and my middle child is also at the cinema, although a different one, with her friend seeing the same film! My youngest is being cared for by my parents.

Time is dragging, and I've explored so much of the internet that I feel washed out. I so want to read an interesting blog by a married man, which tells me all of his deepest and darkest secrets, but which I think I probably won't be shocked or surprised at, as I can guess what most of it will be about.

I leave work in just over an hour and am at work for another couple of days and then it's holiday time!

I've been reading some of Belle Du Jour's blog this morning. She has very good English, meaning a good grip on grammar and punctuation. Sounds quite lah-di-dah, if not upper middle class. I do find her writing quite hard to read sometimes, it doesn't always flow easily - but she's clever no mistake. Couldn't ever imagine myself working in the sex industry. Surely lots of dosh to be made. LOTS. But honestly, I think I'd have to be able to compartmentalise sooo much. And shut off emotions.