A trip to the dentist this morning - yay :S. Just checkups for us all I hope. Then off to see a relative of my husband's who is in a care home. He's a gay man in his late 70's, very intelligent, chatty and opinionated but kind.

Tuesday 4 August

Husband has bought a new car. A 5 year old royal blue Ford Focus. It looks goooooood. I like it! His old (14 years old) car was falling to pieces really. He liked the colour - bright red lol.

We went over to our local park this afternoon, husband and eldest son played tennis and I went around the park with our dog and my two younger children who were on their bikes. Really humid day, today. With showers...really light showers which were quite refreshing.

On our way to the park (we walked) husband spotted a fish tank dumped by someone's dustbin, also a microwave dumped further along the road. So....on our way back husband picked up the microwave...opened it and saw there was no 'plate' inside it so then closed it - on his own arm lol. I laughed as he suffered, meanie. He left the microwave and went back to pick up the fishtank, which he has since cleaned up and is going to get some fish etc. It's amazing what people dump. Some stuff is still usable, and nothing is really wrong with it at all. I've seen all sorts dumped, as he has too.

Watching a bit of shopping t.v. this evening (just entertainment) - and my youngest (10 years of age) says in astonishment "Who wants to smell like Britney Spears?". Good question! lol Errrrr.

Yesterday we had a lovely afternoon - the weather was gorgeous. We had a picnic in the meadows and I read some of my book. Finished it! The Brutal Art by Jesse Kellerman. Very gentle/good read. Not a particularly sharp ending, perhaps because I didn't understand its subtlety?! Got another few books from the library today - and I've started on one of them, Soul Murder by Andrew Nugent. Seems a very easy and quick read at the moment.

Started my period today. Yay. I was even thinking I'm perhaps not going to have another period again --- menopause etc., etc. I'm 44 so perhaps it's going to happen quite soon. It was a relief that I started my period. I actually felt a bit bereft and strange to think that I'll soon not be having them anymore...well 'soon' whatever/whenever that is.

Husband is doing a bootsale early in the morning tomorrow. The weather is forecast to be warm and sunny - fingerscrossed. Daughter will be helping him and I'll be popping along shortly after he begins with my other two children and my parents. Husband's car is playing up dreadfully, so we may have to fork out for a 'new' car for him. His current car is quite old and has done over 100,000 miles, apparently.

I have no idea why I've come back to blogging. I guess it's just someplace to spew my trivia. I really have NO idea.

My MOF (I think I referred to him with different initials/acronym earlier in this blog!) - male online friend - is back today from a week on holiday with his family. We have never chatted sexually and I never intend to. He's just a like a female to me, to be frank. Of course, there's always going to be a tiny piece in my head, and probably his too, where you think..what if and so on perhaps. My husband can totally, totally trust me - I mean I would never sleep with another man ever. I don't know why but it's in my psyche - I just don't have it in me to cheat. God knows why. Just couldn't do it.

Friday 31 July

I don't have work today. No reason to get up tooooo early.

Just before 6 am this morning.....BEEP BEEP BEEP (repeat very loudly and high pitched 50 times). Stop and then start again 5 minutes later. Repeat 4 times. Husband is already up and out of the house walking the dog. He's forgotten to turn off the alarm. We don't sleep in the same room (he snores and farts, farts and snores and takes whatever covers there are for himself totally).

I'm pissed off.

Fecking eeeeejit!!!!! lol

Thursday 30 July

I set myself such high, ludicrously high, standards - that all I do is fail miserably most of the time. Why do I punish myself? Perfection is .... unachieveable, at least for the majority of the people for the great majority of the time, in my opinion.

This morning just did my head in. Rushing around trying to get things tidy/sorted, children waiting in the car (obviously arguing/fighting as per usual!) with the dog. Me, mopping the floor, then the phone rings. In my totally stressed out state I answer (not too rudely) "I'm on my way out. Who is that?"...turns out it's my friggin' boss. She's asking for a document on the computer, which I think is not accessible to her at all. More stress. My password given to her (which is something we should NOT do, but still....she's my boss...and there's no way she would get the document without it). After I put the phone down I feel like total shit. The document is my job description. Have I got a job or WHAT now? Get to the car.....middle child has hit youngest child with a comb so hard that the bloody comb has snapped. I could scream/cry/walk away. Or more. End up driving the wrong way to the park with the kids and dog...have to turn around. I'm quiet. I don't swear, scream or ANYTHING. Just feel like a white fog has descended around me. Numb. Kids notice. They start to behave slightly better. God I love them.

Tuesday 28 July

Been clothes buying. Lots of cheeeeap clothes. I am a mug for them! Got a lovely, black mac for only a fiver yesterday and a handbag for £1! Daughter was the first to use it.

A couple of my Real Life friends have been asking me about Facebook. I really like to keep some of myself private. I guess Facebook comes into that category also. Don't know why - just always been a bit like that. There is a side to me which is very techno and nerdish I suppose. Why would anyone want to waste what little time they have on such trivia....that's what I think perhaps it's about. Guilt? Embarassment? God knows. No more analysing.

Sons are at their grandparents today, until early afternoon I think. Daughter is still asleep in bed! She went to bed quite late last night. Watching crap on t.v. Mind numbing crap.

Tuesday 21 July

Penultimate day at work! Rainy and drab outside, but hey-ho.

Husband yesterday looking in the newspapers "Blimey, Uretha Franklin's got big".

Looking back at posts by Belle De Jour (I think I typed 'Du' previously, my mistake) - a male friend of hers talking to her about a woman he liked and upon finding out that the woman didn't want anal sex Belle said to drop her, as she was too (basically) frigid or non-exploratory sexually. Well, honestly! Just because a woman doesn't want to take it up the arse haha. It doesn't mean that they are frigid OR boring in bed. What a narrow mind. Not everyone likes or wants anal sex. Mind you, from a call girl, what kind of response would one expect. God, now I am being narrow-minded.

Monday 20 July 2009

Working today, which is a euphemism....for NOT working?!! Just bored, bored and bored. My eldest child is at the cinema with friends going to see Harry Potter, the latest film in the series and my middle child is also at the cinema, although a different one, with her friend seeing the same film! My youngest is being cared for by my parents.

Time is dragging, and I've explored so much of the internet that I feel washed out. I so want to read an interesting blog by a married man, which tells me all of his deepest and darkest secrets, but which I think I probably won't be shocked or surprised at, as I can guess what most of it will be about.

I leave work in just over an hour and am at work for another couple of days and then it's holiday time!

I've been reading some of Belle Du Jour's blog this morning. She has very good English, meaning a good grip on grammar and punctuation. Sounds quite lah-di-dah, if not upper middle class. I do find her writing quite hard to read sometimes, it doesn't always flow easily - but she's clever no mistake. Couldn't ever imagine myself working in the sex industry. Surely lots of dosh to be made. LOTS. But honestly, I think I'd have to be able to compartmentalise sooo much. And shut off emotions.

Met up with Ann today at the local shopping centre. Coffee in Starbucks. Frothy capuccino. She told me about her ex - lived as his lodger, well started as a lodger I think and then a relationship with him which turned sour. Went to Boots with her and did the usually 'perfume testing'. Wish I had the money to buy some of those expensive perfumes without worrying about the bill! I really like the Harajuku Lovers perfumes. Cute little dollies. Perhaps a bit immature, but they are sweet. Went to M&S with her and she bought some tomatoes etc. Expensive in there! Said if she wanted to meet up for coffee., etc., to text me...perhaps after half term. Hope she does. Would be nice to continue the frienship. I will text her otherwise.

Did a run this afternoon. The usual 2nd Friday meet up at the local park. I did my best ever time for the 5 k....about 27 minutes and 38 seconds! I came FIRST out of the 31 runners. Whether or not they made an effort, I really don't know. It's a bit worrying that I actually came first, as I don't I am that good at all.

My online male friend (OMF from now now) is going away tonight for a week, skiing. Never been but I would love to go. Again - finances won't allow it.

Watched a gory ghost film this evening. I enjoyed it but too much swearing and a little too gory.

Just logged into perv.com and it's the same old story. None of the men understand the word 'no', or they choose to ignore the word completely. They are all highly (the men on there) homophobic, except of course those who are homosexuals or bisexuals. It all becomes such a drag after the initial 'thrills' and 'excitement'. It reinforces the stereotypes we perhaps all (?) have of men/women. Luckily I occasionally meet someone who refreshes my hope in humankind on there. Most are one handed typists who want to show you their knobs. How original lol.

Got pissed off with JS at work today. She's a right cow. She needs a bloody slap. I really would love to tell her to f off, but can't. She takes things the wrong way - a very snappy woman. She moans about everything. What a horrible cow. I don't seem to learn my lesson, which is - say as little to her as possible and have as little contact with her as possible, that is the lesson! I hope she feels guilty for being nasty to me. She complains about what a little monster her daughter is, yet fails to realise where her daughter probably gets it all from, i.e. her! lol I have to say I truly believe in what goes around comes around.

This diary is fast becoming a vent for me. Full of moans and groans. I should've named this blog "A Grumpy Old Woman" - much more apt.

I helped DD do her C&G's refreshments - the layout and carrying all the heavy bottles down the hall. I used to be in two minds about DD but she really is a sweet woman. She is good through and through. Also PW - another woman who used to, and still does, get on my nerves with her pernicketty ways - but she has a heart of gold and knows right from wrong.

I emailed the OU, after chatting on line to a woman on perv.com. I have asked what courses would be suited to someone (me!) who is interested in studying to become a S&LT. I know I'm a lazy cow, sometimes. It would take me far longer to look for the 'goods', even though the OU might not be able to help me, there is a hope that they might. I long to do something different and get away from the stale surroundings and people who have been mean to me at work. I'd like to say "up yours" to all those who think it is their right (being higher up the ladder than me) to bully or say rude things to me.

Went to Tesco's today to get refreshments for the C&Gs presentation tomorrow. It was nice to get out of that boring office. Boy, what a release. I like being busy, and when I have to scramble around to find work it bores me and annoys me at the same time.
Watching Lucky Number Slevin this evening. A gangster type film. Okay but just too much shooting in it. Ben Kingsley doing a great job of the American accent (Brooklyn?).

One of my bosses is retiring in May. Just wonder who the hell I will get in her place. Hope it's someone nice, or perhaps her job will be scrapped, saving money? Then it's a worry what will happen to me. Searched internet at work looking for info' on Speech and Language Therapist courses. I feel it's something I could try my hand at...just getting too old for this though. Perhaps I should just relax and do my shitty admin job until I retire.

Just had an argument with husband this morning, shortly before he's due to leave for work. Everyone is asleep apart from me and him. We're downstairs and I've just made three bowls of breakfast for the children. He says "come on dog, frontroom" (where I've just put the bowls of food on the table). Needless to say, how long will food last with a labrador, when left alone with it? I was just about to get into the shower, so I was angry with him. No bloody commonsense. He just doesn't think. Always the same.

You know what, the thing is with blogs (I've had a few before this one) is that if you aren't very careful you end up tempering your posts to what you think readers will find interesting. Well, I'm saying bollocks to all that shit now. I did that in the past and it really was crap - personally speaking. I'm going to just spill my brains out on here....ugly bits and all. If you dislike what you read then pass me by.

Just been on that cam site again. One bloke, who I apparently cammed with a 'while back' came back on cam and obviously wanted to cam with me again. I am in nooo mood for all that. Been there and done that, and mostly now the primary reason I log on to the site now is to have a laugh with a few friends I've made on there. Anyway this bloke had his vast hairy stomach on cam, and what a total turn off that was. I asked him if he'd put on weight and he replied, yes - he'd given up smoking and put on about 2 stones in weight! Yum...very attractive NOT. Needless to say, I wished him good luck in losing the extra flab and he thanked me and 'went'. Do men really think that women like wobbly guts on men? I'm afraid I'm not one of the women who does, if there are any. And I know that obviously looks are not the be all and end all, sexually/attractiveness speaking I have to say that I find a fat bloke totally unsexy.

What am I going to write here? My thoughts, when I feel like I want to write them. I am full of the usual crappy insecurities....life isn't perfect. What is? Live for the day.